ptsdwellbeing

Another day of fighting symptoms and to not let your guard down. It's been over three months now since my last dissociative relapse. Yet you can never let your guard down. Escaping doesn't make pain go away. It makes it worse. You lose sense of time and don't care. You have to fight back. Why is that danger always there? Because addicts pain is always there. That stress added to my heart disease and overall system pain. It never goes away. You have to protect yourself.

It feels like all of the backed up trauma pain is flooding out. You feel like you can barely walk. Pain is everywhere. Plus, you have all of the other symptoms to deal with as well. You have to fight back. You don't have a choice. You have to protect yourself.

Nightmares have started again. Is there a consistent theme running thru them? Just feeling like all of the terror of my trauma history is flooding out. It's coming out and that's a scary but good thing. I don't want to relapse and literally disappear. I don't want to feel like the essence of what makes me me is merging into someone else. You have to fight to keep some sense of reality. Because you have to. You have to protect yourself.

A long day of fighting to not let your guard down. If that happens, you have no idea of where you are and don't care. We don't want to be that scared anymore. Protect yourself.

Fighting pain and to not fall apart. Don't let your guard down. But also, intermittent thoughts of suicide. We can't go on with this constant pain. You admit that those thoughts are there, and the you fight your way out of them. Because you have to.

Another day of fighting symptoms and to not fall apart. The pain is always there. You don't want to drop your guard. But the pain never goes away. Body pain Anal pain Psychotic episodes Adrenalin surges Never getting enough sleep You have to fight back. You don't have a choice. Protect yourself.

Another day of fighting symptoms. But you don't have a choice. There is no cure for PTSD. You try and cope as best you can. But the pain is always there. Protect yourself.

Pay attention to the tiny things in how you feel and what you pick up on. The pain is always there. Face it head on as best you can. But as you do, know that you did  nothing wrong. You can't let your guard down. You have to protect yourself. You have to fight back.

Intuition is feeling sharper. Now we're picking up on more people in pain. The common thing? Why is this happening? What did we do wrong (a common trauma survivor question)? The sadness is always there. On the other hand, we try to use this in a good way to be as helpful as we can. Protect yourself.

Another day of fighting to not slip and fall apart. It's a constant battle to not let your guard down. Psychotic episodes still happen which make it especially tough to protect yourself. If you don't, you'll just fall apart. We don't want to feel scared all the time and have no idea of where we are or what's going on. The severity of your symptoms is a reflection of the severity of your trauma history. We're doing the right things. You have to protect yourself. Protect your well being.

Don't slip. Don't fall apart. You have to fight to keep some focus. It's scary to slip and then literally have no idea of where you are or what time it is. It just makes pain worse. Protect your well being.

Fighting all day to not slip and have a dissociative relapse. That will only make pain worse. You feel sad and abandoned. But you have to fight back to protect your well being. Protect yourself.

Pain and symptoms never go away. But you have to fight back to not let your guard down. If you do, the pain is too much. Protect yourself.

Another day of fighting exhaustion and symptoms. But also, by trying to stay healthier our awareness is better. Awareness on a variety of different things. You have a feeling that something will happen or someone will say something. then it happens. With the growing list of hurricane victims in Puerto Rico (over 24,000), there's awareness of bits and pieces. Sights, sounds, fragmented scenes, thoughts and feelings. Then, people and what they see and feel. Pain. Fear. Frustration. Feeling abandoned. Feeling close to death. Why is this happening? How come nobody's paying attention? How come nobody cares? Lots of sadness. Pain that never goes away. We try to face this head on as best we can, without letting it endanger us in some way. Because that's what you're supposed to do. Use it to help people. Stay well.

Protect yourself Protect yourself Protect yourself

A low energy day. We're trying to not slip and go back to a toxic diet lots of salt, sugar, junk food and more). Don't let your guard down. Don't dissociate. Protect yourself.

Fight symptoms. Don't let your guard down. Because you don't have a choice. Protect your well being.

Another day of fighting symptoms and constant exhaustion. We just don't want to have a relapse and pig out on salt and sugar to keep our energy up. Our tolerance for stimulants is gone. Don't let your guard down. Over three months now and no dissociative relapse. If you do, the pain is too much. Protect yourself.

Constant exhaustion and fighting symptoms. You can't let your guard down. If you do, the pain will be too much. But either way, it's always there. Like the saying goes, the surest way to make your pain worse is to hide behind denial. Denial can be many things to many people. Just speaking for myself, you don't have a choice. Protect your well being. Maybe now Anthony Bourdain has found some peace.

By now you've probably heard the sad news about Anthony Bourdain. In case you don't know who he was, he was a chef who then became a writer and had his own TV production company. Many of their shows were of him traveling globally, eating food and meeting people. Today he was found dead in his hotel room. It was suicide. While I'm sorry that this happened, I have things in common with him. I'm not a millionaire writer/TV host. But like him, I've overcome many addictions (drugs, soft core porn, anti depressants and others). Also, I'm a trauma survivor. I never met him, and at times heard various things about him. He's a nice guy. He's a fucking asshole who can't be bothered to deal with the little people. Which is true? I don't know. But I do know that people kill themselves for a variety of reasons. Drug addiction. Homelessness. No job. Death in the family. Horrible trauma. For a long time he was a hardcore addict (heroin, coke and other thi...

Struggling to not let my guard down so you end up dissociating and blacking out. It's been over three months since the last dissociative blackout. But if you let it down, the pain will be too much. Then you'll be fighting on the edge of not turning psychotic. Protect your well being.

One common thing that trauma survivors do is to take on the pain of the world in addition to their own pain. For a long time we did that. But eventually we hit a point where we said we can't do this anymore. This doesn't mean that you aren't aware and don't care. What you have to do is put your well being first. If that's not together, then you can't be effective. One of the worst things is to go thru life and not feel. Do something. Try to make things better. Because that's what counts. Protect your well being.

Nightmares haven't come back. But sleep paralysis still happens. You can barely open your eyes. But that's it: You can't talk. You can't move. Trying to move a fraction of an inch takes enormous energy. It's like your nervous system shuts down. Many experts say this won't kill you. But that still doesn't take away from how scary this is. How long will this last? But you do your best to protect your well being. Because you have to.

A break from nightmares. Despite that, you never get a full night's sleep. Maybe an hour or two. Then you try to go back to sleep and it never works. It's like you body clock never resets. Then when you do try to get out of bed, you feel like bus hit you. Constant exhaustion. You fight really hard to not dissociate and black out. You don't want to have a dissociative relapse.  This means you have to constantly be on your guard and never let it down. Because if you do, the pain is too much to bear. Does the anger ever go away? Being let down and abandoned by what feels like everybody. You do your best to try and cope. Protect your well being.