ptsdwellbeing

Fighting symptoms and exhaustion. Anal pain, flashbacks, psychotic episodes and more. You try to pay attention to small things in how you feel. But it's always there. Protect yourself.

No nightmares last night. But symptoms and exhaustion are always there. Is it just us? Or does everything feel triggering? Everywhere you look, nothing seems safe. Is the entire world falling apart? Hopefully not. Instead, a holistic idea about intuition. The healthier you are, the more receptive you are. We feel at times like we're about 6 steps ahead of everybody else. While we're not 100% in our intuition all the time, we do pretty good. Listen to it as best you can. Pay attention to tiny things in how you feel. The tiny voice inside is there for a reason.

Don't let your guard down. Protect yourself. Set boundaries. Because you have to. We really don't want to have a relapse and go back to a horrible diet. Your system can only take so much. Stay safe.

A long day of fighting symptoms and exhaustion. Screen everything and protect your well being. The pain never goes away. But we know we're following the right steps. Your symptoms are a reflection of the severity of your trauma history. The surest way to make things worse is to hide behind denial.

We thought maybe we'd have a break. But nightmares have come back. Pain feels more debilitating than before. On the other hand, you have to face it head on. Protect yourself as best you can.

Every time you have a relapse, the pain is twice as bad as it was before. You can't let your guard down. We still struggle with the full reality of our trauma history. You have to fight back. If you let your guard down, the pain will be too much. Others had that happen to them, and they killed themselves. You have to protect yourself.

Why do others say and do horrible things? You tell the truth about being a trauma survivor. Yet people say and do horrible things to you. Why would they do that? They're incredibly cruel They're sociopaths They get off on inflicting pain on others They think if they ignore reality it will magically go away We all have our "burdens to carry" (we actually heard 4 other people say that) They just don't care You have no control over them. But you can set boundaries and do your best to protect yourself. Because you have to.

Fight symptoms and don't let your guard down. You're not abnormal in any way. The pain will never go away. But you can't just sit back and do nothing. It feels like the full pain of our trauma is flooding out. But you have to face it. Stay well.

Ever feel like everywhere you turn you're getting bombarded with triggering stuff?  Trump gets worse. You lose someone to a type of cancer with extremely poor odds of survival. Then my sister who moved to Europe has come back for a short break to see family and deal with a visa renewal. I went to my brother's house and we all sat down for dinner. With 5 people at the the table, she starts to go on about how we're lucky that nothing really horrible has happened. I sat there for about 30 seconds and then had to get up and walk away before screaming at her. Your uncle just passed from Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. You, your younger brother and parents all have a long history of abuse. I got repeatedly raped by three psycho pedophiles. I could have been murdered by any of them. This is a doctor who deals with trauma survivors. So I thought either you're incredibly cruel. Or, this totally freaks you out and you want nothing to do with it. So just make it magically go ...

You can't let your guard down, because the pain can overwhelm you. Made that mistake and had a dissociative relapse. Despite this, I know several things. I'm not a failure. I'm not abnormal. I'm not permanently damaged. I don't want to disappear and not know what's real and what isn't. It feels like you have to struggle to know when there hasn't been horrible pain every day. I'm not going to destroy my sobriety. I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone else. I'm not a failure. I'm not a failure. I'm not going to fall apart and off myself. But for trauma survivors who are addicts, there's always that part of you that says just disappear and the pain will disappear. But for many who've made that mistake, they killed themselves because the pain was too much. Protect yourself.

Almost no sleep last night. Today, a constant struggle with exhaustion. But don't let your guard down. Don't dissociate and vanish for hours. The pain will just be worse. You have to keep going. Because that's all there is.

Constant exhaustion and pain. Nightmares are still happening. Be aware of how tiny things affect you. Don't let your guard down. Protect your well being.

The day before the national mid term elections here in the States. This means finally no more right wing propaganda ads. That's exactly what they are. Repeat them enough and eventually somebody will believe it. Will Trump finally be impeached? No. Nightmares have come back. There's no one pattern that keeps repeating. But it's like your worst fears flooding out. You have to fight your way out and just blow up everything to finally be free. But you're not. Don't let your guard down and have a dissociative relapse. No we don't want imaginary babes. We want real ones. An image on a screen? No thanks. You know that you have to protect yourself. But like with any addict, part of you just says give in and escape pain. But you won't. Every time you stop and then relapse, the pain is twice as bad as the previous time. Do you really want that? No. Protect yourself.

Another day of sadness. You go thru the motions of doing various things. But everything feels sad. Protect yourself.

Some horrible news yesterday. An uncle who was suffering from Stage 4 pancreatic cancer passed away. He was undergoing a experimental drug program that his doctors thought was helping him. But things changed and they told him other than pain medication, there was nothing more that they could do. He and his family decided that instead of going to a hospice, he wanted to spend his final time at home surrounded by his family and extended group of friends. For about two months he had a relative amount of stability (despite his circumstances). But then suddenly his system just gave out. He couldn't do any basic things anymore and had trouble being aware of what was happening. He finally passed peacefully at home surrounded by his family. Now, there's just sadness. Yes, we've all heard expressions like you carry on, we don't stand down and various other things that are meant to be helpful in some way. But in reality, the sadness and pain are still there. Do they ever go a...