ptsdwellbeing

Another day of fighting symptoms and to not dissociate. Constant exhaustion as you fight to not let your guard down. At times you have moments of clarity. But when you do, you just want to feel safe. You don't to be bombarded with pain. You don't want to be bombarded with psycotic episodes. You just want to feel safe. No noise. Just feel safe in my own home. Stay well.

One minute, you feel like you have a brief moment of clarity. Then everything turns black. There is no cure for PTSD. The pain never goes away. Despite that, you try and cope as best you can. Don't take lots of meds that will only make you feel drugged out all the time. Why make it even harder than it already is? But the pain never goes away. You want to attack anyone who gets in your way. Anyone who's standing close to you is a threat. How do we stop them? Where's our weapon? You kill them first before they kill you. Because you have to. You have to protect yourself. You have to screen everything. You have to pay attention to tiny things in how you feel. You don't have a choice. You have to fight back. You have to protect yourself.

Sometimes you get no sleep at all. Occassionally if you're lucky, maybe a few hours. When's the last time I got a decent night's sleep? I can't remember. Nightmares still come. Many times it's your worst fears coming out and you have to fight your way out of it. You kill everyone and then just blow up everything. That way you feel like you're finally safe. Because many times you don't know. What's real and what isn't? Have I ever had a day free of PTSD symptoms? No. It's always there. On the other hand, you have to face your pain head on. Denial never works. You don't have a choice. You have to fight back. You have to set boundaries as best you can. You just have to Don't worry about labels. I have health problems that are connected to my trauma history. You try and cope as best you can. But it's incurable. The pain never goes away. Protect yourself.

Hi. Needed a break yesterday after tough posting. Now, keep fighting symptoms and don't black out. You have to protect yourself. It's still exhausting to not dissociate. But you have to fight to be able to focus. Now at times you feel empty. But you know you're doing the right things. Protect yourself.

Welcome to our always growing international audience. As you well know (or if you don't know), here Trump and other powerful people think torture is a great thing. The new CIA Director nominee is a lifetime CIA covert agent and manager. She actually ran a torture black site and helped to destroy torture evidence. Now she's being rewarded with the top job. For those who think torture works, I have first hand proof that it doesn't. In fact, just the opposite. The victim will do and say ANYTHING  to make it stop. NOTE. This post contains extremely graphic language and triggering content. If this bothers you, STOP READING NOW. No? All right then. Let's continue. I was repeatedly raped by three psycho pedophiles over a long period of time. They never got prosecuted. Their accomplices were never prosecuted. I can't get any victim compensation or file a criminal or civil suit against anyone. I have complex disscoiative disorder (an extremely severe and incurable ty...

Fight symptoms all day long. Don't let your guard down and dissociate. Then you have no idea of where you are. It's like the full terrifying reality of your trauma history hits you all at once. But you have to face it. Denial just makes things worse. It's incredibly exhausting to focus on what's real and what isn't. But you have to. You don't have a choice.

Don't let your guard down. You have to constantly be aware and fight back. If you don't, you'll black out and have no idea of where you are. Is this a psycotic episode? I don't know. But it feels like it. Protect your well being.