ptsdwellbeing

Set boundaries. Protect your well being as bets you can. The pain never goes away. But what else can you do? If you go into a crowded place, always have an escape plan just in case. Protect your well being.

A long day of fighting symptoms and to not let your guard down. I know other trauma survivors who one minute were relatively stable. Then they let their guard down and the pain was too much for them. Would I kill myself? No. But that danger is always there. There is no cure for PTSD. Like any incurable condition, you try and protect yourself as best you can. Protect yourself.

Setting boundaries and trying not to relapse. Every time addicts do, the pain is twice as bad as before. In my case, dissociating was like an addiction. It was a way to escape pain, or so you thought. Instead, it just made pain worse. Set boundaries and protect your well being as best you can. Because you have to.

Just how hot is it in your part of the world? Here, the average is 98F. But with the heat index, try 110F. Feel free to covert to metrics at any time. The pain is always there. Symptoms never go away. On bad days you fee like you can barely walk. You try walking up stairs or a hill and you really have to focus. It's a combination of the heat and trauma pain. But what else can you do but try to protect yourself. Here in the States many right wing politicians are trying to completely destroy health care. What they really want is only the best health care money can buy for rich and powerful right wing whites. If you're anything else, nobody owes you anything. Especially the government. If you get sick and don't have health coverage, just die. And what's even more bizarre about this is that these people actually believe this. In other civilized countries, health care is a human right. In two month, my sister is moving to France. Is she emigrating permenantly? I have n...

Another day of fighting symptoms. Pain is still there in many ways. But you try to keep some sense of being grounded and to protect yourself. Don't let your guard down.

Backed up trauma pain is flooding out in lots of ways. Arthritic pain is really severe in my lower back. It really hurts to walk. Then again it will flood out. Whether you like it or not. Protect yourself.

When we were recently out of town, we went to eat lunch. I accidentally had a triggering food. Walking back to the hotel, for a split second I thought I'll go back to my room, kill myself. And I'm not afraid. Then I fought really hard to not give into that. That won't let us escape pain. We don't have a death wish. But those thoughts still happen. Protect yourself.

Almost no sleep last night. Fighting symptoms all day long. We just rest. Protect your well being.

Went to see my cardiologist today. He asked lots of questions about my trauma history, family disease history and more. I told him the disfunction is so severe that these people just don't talk about any of this. Dissociating is like an alcoholic binge drinking. You think you'll escape pain. But it only makes it worse. In 2 months we'll talk about possible dangerous heart surgery. I've read about some people with depression and other trauma problems who have this and then are twice as depressed. Would this make my PTSD symptoms even worse than they are now? I'm not sure. Every time you have a relapse, the pain is twice as bad as it was before. We really don't want to fall apart and hurt ourselves or anybody else. Protect your well being. Also, feel free to refer this blog to anyone else you think it might help.

Struggling these days to not let our guard down and fall apart. You never get a break. Symptoms are always there. You always have to fight back. The pain is always there. You don't want to turn into some burned out angry monster who says we just don't care anymore. You can't trust anybody. So we're going to get a gun and kill every asshole who treated us like shit. Do I have a gun in my house? No. I could get one, but what's the point? Every time I think about doing that you instantly have split second visions of killing yourself. I don't have a death wish. But at times those thoughts are there. Every time you have a dissociative relapse, it's like an addict using again. It's twice as painful as the last time. You have to protect your well being. If others say and do horrible things, they have to live with the consequences. Not me. Protect your well being.

How is your part of the world? Here, we got back from a few days out of town. Went to a major city with lots of traffic and unfortunately kind of slow. With the heat index, the average highs were about 110F. Despite that, we also struggled with severe depression. Went out to eat one day and made the mistake of eating a triggering food. I walked back to the hotel and felt suicidal. Stayed in my room and called a crisis line. We talked for a while and then for the rest of my trip I basically stayed in the hotel. My well being comes first. I know we did nothing wrong. We're not abnormal in any way. But trauma pain is really severe. One reason why is because the longer you go without having a dissociative relapse, the worse it feels. On the other hand, if we felt no pain at all, then we'd really be in danger. The pain never goes away. But denial doesn't work. You have to fight back. Protect yourself.

A long day struggling to not dissociate. Stay away from stimulants as much as possible. If you don't, everything is way worse. Tomorrow we're off on vacation. Stay safe.

Fight symptoms and to not have a dissociative slip. Over four months now without one.Sometimes we just sit in  n empty room and focus on being the only one there. Focus on tangible things. The quilt on the bed. Touching the sheets on the bed. Looking in the closet and in the bathroom. Standing up against the wall with your legs spread. Nobody's there. You have to focus a huge amount of energy on that. At times it's like a video signal trying to get thru. But nothing's there. You have to fight back.

Another long day of fighting symptoms and to not slip again. There's anger, frustration, bitterness and constant exhaustion. Despite all that, we know we're following the right things. Besides, since when is therapy not hard work? Protect yourself.

For us, dissociating is like using a drug. You think it will let you escape pain. But it just makes things worse. You're exhausted by the end of the day. You don't have a choice. You have to protect your well being.

Trying to stay aware of how everything is connected. What's triggering and what's not. Because pain comes out in many ways (rashes, arthritis and others). Face it head on as best you can. Protect yourself.

The pain is always there. Nightmare are still happening. Back to almost no sleep at all. Despite all of that, you have to fight back. Don't let your guard down. Otherwise you'll fall apart. Protect your well being.

Fighting not to fall apart. The pain never stops. But you're doing the right thing by not letting your guard down. Protect yourself.

Another tough night with nightmares. They never go away. Just like the pain and constant exhaustion. When was the last time I got a good night's sleep? I literally can't remember. It's like your system is constantly stuck and can never get out a tiny cycle at one time to try and rest. But you never get it. You don't want to have a massive relapse and go back to tons of salt and sugar in your diet. It's common for trauma survivors to use those to fight adrenal burnout. I've tried to get tested for this and to find out if I have something like Addison's or something else. But so far no doctor will do it. Despite that, I know it's burnout. It never goes away because trauma is trapped energy in different parts of your body. The base of your skull. Your nervous system. Your autonomous system as well. Which means stimulants only make the pain worse. You don't have a choice. You have to fight back to try and keep some sense of being grounded. You don...

You fight symptoms all the time because you have to. You have to try to keep some sense of being grounded. The pain never goes away. But you know that's the right thing to do. Why do addicts constantly go back to using when they know that that will make their pain worse? I'm not sure. But the important thing is to protect your well being as best you can. You're not weird or strange in any way. The severity of your symptoms is equal to the severity of your trauma history. Your pain will come out, not matter what. Maybe now it's all flooding out.