Pain, Relapses and More

Sorry to be away for a while. Nightmares, torture flashbacks and constant body pain are there. Two days ago, we had a dissociative relapse.

We try really hard to not torture ourselves. We're not a failure. But we don't want to feel terrified and have no idea of where we are. Every time you have a relapse it's like all of the pain and noise disappear. You feel like you finally have some peace. But we know that's not true.

We don't want to fall apart.
We don't want to be scared all of the time.
You have to protect yourself.

Stay safe.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What's Torture Really Like (contains extremely graphic content and language. If this bothers you, DO NOT READ THIS)?

Welcome to our always growing international audience. As you well know (or if you don't know), here Trump and other powerful people think torture is a great thing. The new CIA Director nominee is a lifetime CIA covert agent and manager. She actually ran a torture black site and helped to destroy torture evidence. Now she's being rewarded with the top job. For those who think torture works, I have first hand proof that it doesn't. In fact, just the opposite. The victim will do and say ANYTHING  to make it stop. NOTE. This post contains extremely graphic language and triggering content. If this bothers you, STOP READING NOW. No? All right then. Let's continue. I was repeatedly raped by three psycho pedophiles over a long period of time. They never got prosecuted. Their accomplices were never prosecuted. I can't get any victim compensation or file a criminal or civil suit against anyone. I have complex disscoiative disorder (an extremely severe and incurable ty...
Read more

Don't Let Your Guard Down

Stay safe to everyone in Hurricane Florence's path. Triggering stuff is everywhere. Protect yourself as best you can. One sad thing that happens to many trauma survivors. One minute they're relatively stable. Then something happens that causes them to drop their guard. The pain is too much and they kill themselves. Would that ever happen to us? No. But you can't let your guard down. By the end of the day you're totally wiped out. But what choice do you have? Stay well.
Read more

Exhaustion

Another night of almost no sleep at all. You try to fall asleep, but then almost every hour on the hour you wake up. You try to get out of bed and feel like you got hit by a car. Add to that nightmares. Then, you struggle thru the rest of the day trying to not black out from exhaustion and dissociating. What choice do you have? You don't want to relapse and pig out on salt and sugar to satisfy your cravings (which is a common trauma survivor problem). Do something in tiny steps. Then rest for 20 minutes. Then try again. Then rest for 20 minutes. What else can you do?
Read more