A Real Struggle

Sorry to be away for a while. Not on purpose. It's just that the past few weeks have been a real struggle.

We had a dissociative relapse about one week ago after six months of no relapses. You don't know where you are, what time it is and all of your pain instantly goes away. But that's not true. Every time you have a relapse the pain is twice as bad as it was the last time.

You know that this doesn't help. Yet we keep making the same mistakes. Why?

One reason. For a long time, violent unchecked dissociating was non stop all day every day. It only makes sense then that relapses would be like someone shooting up. It's a reassuring hug that lets you feel normal.

But it doesn't.

You have to fight back, You can't just sit back and do nothing. That doesn't work. You're constantly run down. Then again, what else can you do?

Protect yourself.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What's Torture Really Like (contains extremely graphic content and language. If this bothers you, DO NOT READ THIS)?

Welcome to our always growing international audience. As you well know (or if you don't know), here Trump and other powerful people think torture is a great thing. The new CIA Director nominee is a lifetime CIA covert agent and manager. She actually ran a torture black site and helped to destroy torture evidence. Now she's being rewarded with the top job. For those who think torture works, I have first hand proof that it doesn't. In fact, just the opposite. The victim will do and say ANYTHING  to make it stop. NOTE. This post contains extremely graphic language and triggering content. If this bothers you, STOP READING NOW. No? All right then. Let's continue. I was repeatedly raped by three psycho pedophiles over a long period of time. They never got prosecuted. Their accomplices were never prosecuted. I can't get any victim compensation or file a criminal or civil suit against anyone. I have complex disscoiative disorder (an extremely severe and incurable ty...
Read more

Don't Let Your Guard Down

Stay safe to everyone in Hurricane Florence's path. Triggering stuff is everywhere. Protect yourself as best you can. One sad thing that happens to many trauma survivors. One minute they're relatively stable. Then something happens that causes them to drop their guard. The pain is too much and they kill themselves. Would that ever happen to us? No. But you can't let your guard down. By the end of the day you're totally wiped out. But what choice do you have? Stay well.
Read more

Exhaustion

Another night of almost no sleep at all. You try to fall asleep, but then almost every hour on the hour you wake up. You try to get out of bed and feel like you got hit by a car. Add to that nightmares. Then, you struggle thru the rest of the day trying to not black out from exhaustion and dissociating. What choice do you have? You don't want to relapse and pig out on salt and sugar to satisfy your cravings (which is a common trauma survivor problem). Do something in tiny steps. Then rest for 20 minutes. Then try again. Then rest for 20 minutes. What else can you do?
Read more