ptsdwellbeing

Another day of fighting symptoms and to not dissociate. Constant exhaustion as you fight to not let your guard down. At times you have moments of clarity. But when you do, you just want to feel safe. You don't to be bombarded with pain. You don't want to be bombarded with psycotic episodes. You just want to feel safe. No noise. Just feel safe in my own home. Stay well.

One minute, you feel like you have a brief moment of clarity. Then everything turns black. There is no cure for PTSD. The pain never goes away. Despite that, you try and cope as best you can. Don't take lots of meds that will only make you feel drugged out all the time. Why make it even harder than it already is? But the pain never goes away. You want to attack anyone who gets in your way. Anyone who's standing close to you is a threat. How do we stop them? Where's our weapon? You kill them first before they kill you. Because you have to. You have to protect yourself. You have to screen everything. You have to pay attention to tiny things in how you feel. You don't have a choice. You have to fight back. You have to protect yourself.

Sometimes you get no sleep at all. Occassionally if you're lucky, maybe a few hours. When's the last time I got a decent night's sleep? I can't remember. Nightmares still come. Many times it's your worst fears coming out and you have to fight your way out of it. You kill everyone and then just blow up everything. That way you feel like you're finally safe. Because many times you don't know. What's real and what isn't? Have I ever had a day free of PTSD symptoms? No. It's always there. On the other hand, you have to face your pain head on. Denial never works. You don't have a choice. You have to fight back. You have to set boundaries as best you can. You just have to Don't worry about labels. I have health problems that are connected to my trauma history. You try and cope as best you can. But it's incurable. The pain never goes away. Protect yourself.

Hi. Needed a break yesterday after tough posting. Now, keep fighting symptoms and don't black out. You have to protect yourself. It's still exhausting to not dissociate. But you have to fight to be able to focus. Now at times you feel empty. But you know you're doing the right things. Protect yourself.

Welcome to our always growing international audience. As you well know (or if you don't know), here Trump and other powerful people think torture is a great thing. The new CIA Director nominee is a lifetime CIA covert agent and manager. She actually ran a torture black site and helped to destroy torture evidence. Now she's being rewarded with the top job. For those who think torture works, I have first hand proof that it doesn't. In fact, just the opposite. The victim will do and say ANYTHING  to make it stop. NOTE. This post contains extremely graphic language and triggering content. If this bothers you, STOP READING NOW. No? All right then. Let's continue. I was repeatedly raped by three psycho pedophiles over a long period of time. They never got prosecuted. Their accomplices were never prosecuted. I can't get any victim compensation or file a criminal or civil suit against anyone. I have complex disscoiative disorder (an extremely severe and incurable ty...

Fight symptoms all day long. Don't let your guard down and dissociate. Then you have no idea of where you are. It's like the full terrifying reality of your trauma history hits you all at once. But you have to face it. Denial just makes things worse. It's incredibly exhausting to focus on what's real and what isn't. But you have to. You don't have a choice.

Don't let your guard down. You have to constantly be aware and fight back. If you don't, you'll black out and have no idea of where you are. Is this a psycotic episode? I don't know. But it feels like it. Protect your well being.

You scream and fight to not black out. You're constantly run down. But what choice do you have? Protect yourself.

Another day of fighting symptoms. Don't let your guard down and black out. Don't dissociate and then not know where you are. Pain never goes away. Despite that, you have to face it head on. You know that you're doing the right thing. The worst thing is denial which will only make it worse. Protect yourself as best you can.

The surest way to make your trauma pain worse is to hide behind denial. We face it as best we can. But it never goes away.

Almost no sleep again at night. This means trying to sleep in (unless I have to go somewhere early). Even with that, you still feel constantly run down. You don't want to go back to destructive things (alcoholism, smoking, a horrible diet). But now we have nothing to hide behind. Besides, the surest way to fall apart is to hide behind denial. You have to protect yourself. We know we're following the right things: It's not our fault. We did nothing wrong. We're not weird, strange, a freak or dangerous to anybody. We have health problems. Worrying about labels does nothing. You have to set boundaries as best you can. Protect your well being.

Fighting symptoms and to not dissociate. We don't want to dissociate and disappear. Then you have to fight back to regain some sense of being grounded. It feels like a never ending psychotic episode. We don't want to fall apart.

You have to protect yourself. Another day of pain.

Another day of fighting symptoms and to not black out. The pain never goes away. On the other hand, you don't have a choice. You have to be responsible. Protect yourself.

Sometimes our energy level is decent and we can go out in our day. At other times, we can barely get out of bed. But pain is always there. What else can you do? Denial will make things a million times worse.

When was the last time we got a good night's sleep? I can't remember? You try and do all the usual things before you try to go to sleep: No exercise No latenight snacks. Especially really spicy food. No booze. Being 26 years sober, that's not an issue. No loud noise or triggering stuff. Eevn with doing that, you still feel constantly run down. It's like you have Addison's disease (adrenal burnout). The pain is always there. But what else can you do? Denial will just make it worse. We try and do things in short spurts. Then, lots of rest. Going back to lots of salt, sugar and dairy stuff in our diet will just make things worse. We don't want to go back to more meds and then constantly feel addicted. But despite all of this, we know we're doing the right things. It's just that working to not dissociate all the time is exhausting. But you don't have a choice. Denial will just make things worse.

Another stressful triggering day. This means lots of quiet as we go through the day. We don't want to be bombarded with endless pain and feeling like a threat is everywhere. The pain will never go away. But you try and protect yourself as best you can. Ever feel like you're steps ahead of everybody else? There's no reason to watch cable news because it's totally predictable. Instead, do something else. Protect yourself.

Another night of almost no sleep at all. No nightmares, but you feel miserable as you wake up every hour and try to get some rest. Then, fight symptoms all day long and try to protect yourself. Triggering stuff is everywhere. Some days you don't watch TV. You just focus on trying not to let your guard down. Don't dissociate and fall apart. You don't have a choice. You have to fight back. You have to protect yourself.

Fight symptoms and protect your well being as best you can. Don't let your guard down so you'll vanish and fall apart. Protect yourself.

Another night of almost no sleep at all. You then try to get out of bed, have some breakfast and drink some tea. Then, lie down and try to focus your energy so you can at least feel ready to face your day. Even with that, you constantly battle symptoms. Don't dissociate or black out. You feel empty and have to fight back. You don't want to drop your guard or black out. We're still taking one anti depressant. Is taking it long term harmful? You try to find reputable information to be able to make informed choices as best you can. But the pain and emptiness never go away.