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Showing posts from February, 2018

Exhaustion

Another night of almost no sleep at all. You try to fall asleep, but then almost every hour on the hour you wake up. You try to get out of bed and feel like you got hit by a car. Add to that nightmares. Then, you struggle thru the rest of the day trying to not black out from exhaustion and dissociating. What choice do you have? You don't want to relapse and pig out on salt and sugar to satisfy your cravings (which is a common trauma survivor problem). Do something in tiny steps. Then rest for 20 minutes. Then try again. Then rest for 20 minutes. What else can you do?

No Sleep and Fighting Back

Constant exhaustion in fighting symptoms. The pain never goes away. But what else can you do? Just keep in mind that you can't take on the pain of the world and yours all at once. Protect your well being.

Another Day of Fighting Symptoms

Tried to get some sleep, but not much luck. Now, fight symptoms all day and don't dissociate. It's easy to drop your guard and just disappear into dissociating because pain will dissappear? No. It makes pain worse. You have to fight back. Pain never goes away.

Pain Is Always There

It's almost like there's no point in watching anything on TV. Everything is triggering. It's like a never ending really bad smog day. But you do the best you can to protect yourself. Screen everything and pay attention to how tiny things affect you. Why? Because health is holistic, and it all adds up. Stay well.

Be Aware, Care and Protect Yourself

The mass murders (sponsored by the NRA) continue. All the politicians seem to only care about getting "campaign donations" from them (which are really blood money). Which leads to the question. Can you singelhandedly save the world? No you can't. You can't handle your pain and the pain of the world, all at the same time. Instead, be aware, care and remember. Your well being comes first. Without that, you can't be effective. Protect yourself.

Pain Is Always There

Protect yourself. Lots of pain today. Everything feels dark. But we know we're doing the right things. The surest way to have more pain is to hide behind denial. Face your history as best you can. As long as it doesn't endanger you in some way.

Don't Dissociate

Since we got raped, we've never had one day free of symptoms. But hiding behind denial will only make things worse. You have to fight back You're not crazy You're not a threat You're not weird, strange, a freak, etc. You have to protect your well being Pay attention to tiny things in how you feel.

Struggle

Every day since we got raped, we've had severe symptoms. We've NEVER had one day with no symptoms. But you have to fight back. You have to.

Face Your History Head On

We now have nothing to hide behind. Rampant alcoholism, anti depressants, smoking, junk food, unchecked violent dissociating. Your first thought might be that these would stop pain from your trauma histroy. In fact, the opposite is true. Now, we have nothing to hide behind. It feels like a dark could that's constantly there. You won't hurt yourself or anyone else. But the pain never goes away. You have to protect yourself.

It's All Connected

Health is both physical and emotional. Lately we're really seeing that in many ways. In our trauma history, lots of our diet, alcoholism and other things made pain worse. Did I make us sick? No. But you're much more aware. You have to protect yourself.

Protect Yourself

Don't dissociate. Screen everything. It's like any addict who's trying not to let their guard down and relapse. Why do addicts use? To escape pain. Dissociating will make pain worse. Don't dissociate Don't dissociate Don't dissociate Protect yourself You have to screen everything Do something else.

Constant Exhaustion

You always feel run down. You always fight symptoms. But what choice do you have? You have to protect yourself. Do your best to keep some sense of being grounded.

Screen Everything

Another day of fighting symptoms. Screen everything to protect yourself. Some days you just want peace and quiet. No noise. No being bombarded with pain. You just want to feel safe in your own home. Be aware and care about trying to make things better. But your well being comes first.

Protect Yourself

Fighting symptoms all day long. At times, everything feels black. But we won't dissociate. Hide behind denial? No. That will only make things worse. You have to protect yourself.

Fight Symptoms

Fighting symptoms and trying to keep some sense of being grounded. But the pain never goes away. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

Welcome to the New Blog

Welcome to the first post. I had a blog at www.ptsdsurvival.blogspot.com. But due to techical problems beyond my control, I had to move to this new one. Feel free to check the old one for more background posts on me and other connected topics. Here we have a mixture of information. PTSD symptoms. Holistic health. Online security. A growing link list to crisis centers and other helpful sources. Think of it as a one stop blog that does many things at the same time. Some things about me. I'm a rape survivor that was repeatedly raped by three psycho pedolphiles over an extended period of time. None of them (or their accomplices) were ever arrested. I was drugged against my will and terrified that I had no control over my body. No cop burst into the room to save me. Nobody ever said we need a rape kit. I've been screamed at by cops, prosecutors and even an FBI trauma specialist who was very pissed at me for wasting her valuable time. Nobody ever said, were you raped. Instead,