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Showing posts from October, 2018

Addiction Never Goes Away

One key part of trauma is pain that never goes away. This means addiction to possibly many things. We have lots of health problems. But we're not a label. We try to do the best we can to face these head on. Use tangible things around you. We don't want to have a dissociative relapse and not know where we are. If you let your guard down, the pain is too much and sadly many kill themselves. We won't. But that awareness is always there. Stay well.

Cover Your Bases

How's your part of the world? Here, at times it's a very triggering day. Everywhere you turn it's painful stuff in your way. But you try and protect yourself as best you can. Body pain fells like it's everywhere. Anal pain, penis and testicle pain, arthritis and more. But your health is physical and emotional. So it has to come out in different ways. If it didn't, I know that it would way worse than it is now (if that seems possible). Do what you can. But protect your well being.

Protect Yourself

Pain and fighting to not dissociate. You have to fight back. Don't let your guard down. But we know we're doing the right things overall. It's just that the pain never goes away.

Don't Let Your Guard Down

No sleep at night and constant burnout. Set boundaries and protect yourself as best you can. Does it feel like the entire world is falling apart? Like with any incurable conditions, you do the best you can to cope. If you let your guard down, the pain will be too much. We haven't had a dissociative relapse in over nine months. We don't want to feel terrified again. You're not responsible for the horrible things that others say and do. But they are. Protect yourself.

Lots of Dr. Appointments

Got thru lots of doctor appointments, and the tests are normal. But the pain is always there. Constant exhaustion, and we're fighting hard to not relapse. Stimulants (salt, sugar, caffeine) make symptoms way worse. It's a constant battle. But, like I told the therapist, we're on the right track. Over 9 months now with no dissociative relapses. We have nothing destructive to hide behind anymore. We don't want to feel terrified anymore. Stay well.

8 Pipe Bombs in 1 day

How's your struggle with trauma going? Here, 8 pipe bombs were mailed by someone to powerful politicians and CNN's New York offices. Who sent it? One of the latest "expert" theories is that a psycho follower of Trump did it. Many questions: Is it one person? Or more than one? Is it a Trump zealot? The bombs are said to be basic. Is this because the maker is an amateur? Or, are they an expert who's trying to trick the police, FBI and others that they're an amateur? This way they're even more confused. 8 bombs in one day. In an Australian high school, 7 students were stabbed with a syringe. Why so much pain and suffering?  Not sure. But you have to protect your well being as best you can. You can't take on your pain and the world's pain all at the same time. It's too much. Another doctor appointment tomorrow. 4 this week. Protect yourself.

Protect Yourself

Fight symptoms and the urge to dissociate. It's painful, but what choice do you have? Protect your well being.

Don't Dissociate

A real struggle today to not dissociate and black out. Constant adrenal burnout aggravates your trauma pain. We still can remember when one minute you felt relatively okay. Then it was almost like losing control over your body. You could actually see your pupils dilate as you fought constant dissociating and pain. Just shows how horrible severe the pain has been and continues tot be. But we know that we're not abnormal in any way. We have health problems that are connected to our trauma pain that we're trying to face head on as best we can. That's what counts.

Try to Protect Yourself As Best You Can

Another day of fighting symptoms and pain. All of that never goes away. But like the saying goes, you have to face your trauma history head on as best you can. I've been sober 27 years now. I could go out almost anytime I want (but bars and clubs here are quite as enlightened as others abroad). I could get almost anything I want. But do I really want to go back to all of that pain? No I don't. Every time you relapse the pain is twice as bad as the last time. And sadly there's always that percentage of addicts who can't quit and die. I'm not responsible for what other horrible people say and do. But I will set boundaries as best I can. I can't singlehandedly stop Trump and the other racist right wingers who want to literally destroy anyone and everything remotely "liberal" (whatever that means). Do you ever feel paralyzed because of your trauma pain? At times I literally feel stuck. But you do your cope to try and cope. Saving the world is great

Pain Is Always There

Protect your well being as best you can. Symptoms are always there. But you have to keep going because you do. Stay well.

Set Boundaries

You can't take on your pain and the pain of the world all at the same time. It just doesn't work. But you try to protect your well being as best you can. Pay attention to tiny things in how you feel. Over eight months now with no dissociative relapses. This is the longest stretch we've ever had since we got raped. But the pain never leaves.

Triggering Stuff Is Everywhere

Today is a high triggering day. It's like a bad smog day when you can actually see the air that you're struggling to breathe and not die from. Everywhere you look, it's dangerous stuff. Which makes it a real struggle to get out of your house and not have a dissociative blackout in your car. The pain never goes away. You pay attention how tiny things make you feel. Trauma is trapped energy in your system on a cellular and genetic level. If you're not careful, adding stimulants or triggering things can make it way worse. It's not your fault. As for others who say and do horrible things, nobody forces them to do this. They CHOOSE to. So they deal with the consequences. Protect your well being.

Set Boundaries As Best You Can

Another day of fighting trauma pain. Set boundaries as best you can and protect your well being. Why? Because you have to. The pain never goes away.

Needed a Break

Sorry to be away for a while. But like everybody you need a break once in a while. We just needed a break from being online, our pain and the pain of the rest of the world. You know that trying to solve all of that is too much. But the survivor says you have to do the right thing. We tried to get a new medical procedure done. But it wasn't safe and now we have to file a complaint against the health system that controls that system. You have to stand up for your patient safety and your overall well being. This has been making dealing with our symptoms even harder. You just want to feel safe. But the pan never goes away. Protect yourself.

Protect Yourself

Set boundaries and protect your well being as best you can. Because you have to. Stay well.

Trying to Not Let Our Guard Down

Another day of fighting symptoms and constant adrenal exhaustion. You set boundaries and do your best to protect your well being. You can't control others who say and do horrible things. Pay attention to tiny things and how they affect you. Don't just blow them off because they are important. Protect yourself.

Kavanaugh is on the SCOTUS. But Life Goes On

An racist mean alcoholic lying rapist is now on the U. S. Supreme Court. At first it was kind of like the shock of Trump getting elected. You feel numb and don't know what to do. Now though, you can focus a little better and move on. It doesn't mean that the disgust and pain ever goes away. There is no cure for PTSD. The nightmares, pain and psychotic episodes will never go away. Ever. You try and do your best to cope. Just remember that it's not your fault.

Kavanaugh is THIS CLOSE to Being Confirmed

It's Thursday, and racist belligerant alcoholic rapist Brett Kavanaugh is one step away from being confirmed as a associate Supreme Court justice. The Republicans who are behind this whitewash literally see this as a war. What they really want is an all white US. Get rid of all non whites. Control all women. Bring back segregation. Keep those fucking n*****s in their place, once and for all. No trauma survivor lies. No rape survivor lies. Wherever you are in the world, watch this as protestors flood the US Capitol. The politicians will either hide in their office or run away as the protestors and press chase after them. But to the racist Republicans, all that matters is power and control. This (in their view) is their big chance to completely destroy anything and everything remotely "liberal". Once and for all. Protect yourself.

Pain Never Goes Away

Nightmares are back. Also the feeling that our horrible trauma history and the pain from it will never go away. You don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. But it's always going to be there. You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault. But the pain is always there. On the other hand, it's important to try and face this head on as best you can. As long as it doesn't endanger you in some way.  Protect yourself as best you can.