It's Not Your Fault

Another tough night with nightmares. They never go away. Just like the pain and constant exhaustion. When was the last time I got a good night's sleep? I literally can't remember. It's like your system is constantly stuck and can never get out a tiny cycle at one time to try and rest. But you never get it.

You don't want to have a massive relapse and go back to tons of salt and sugar in your diet. It's common for trauma survivors to use those to fight adrenal burnout. I've tried to get tested for this and to find out if I have something like Addison's or something else. But so far no doctor will do it. Despite that, I know it's burnout.

It never goes away because trauma is trapped energy in different parts of your body. The base of your skull. Your nervous system. Your autonomous system as well. Which means stimulants only make the pain worse.

You don't have a choice. You have to fight back to try and keep some sense of being grounded. You don't want to have a dissociative relapse. That's just like an addict using again. You always think it will stop the pain. But it only makes it worse.

You have to fight back.
You have to fight back.
You don't have a choice.

Protect yourself.