Posts

You Have to Do Something

How's your part of the world? Here in the States, terrified little kids who only want a better life continue to be treated like animals in concentration camps. Meanwhile, many of the politicians who could stop this only care about looking good in "Presidential debates". Money and power comes first. Many of our global readers ask, why the hell does this continue to happen? Why do people allow the US government to get away with this? There is NO CURE for PTSD. The pain never goes away. Suffering little kids who have no reassuring touch from a caring person? What kind of long term effects does this have on them? Sine we got raped, we've never had one day free of trauma pain. What effects does this have on someone? Psychologically it's important to face your pain head on unless it hurts you in some way. On bad days we feel paralyzed. Every tiny thing hurts and takes an enormous amount of energy to do. By the end of the day we can barely move. But what ch...

Nothing to Hide Behind

Struggling to not have a relapse. We really are aware that we have an addictive personality. You have to fight back to not fall apart. But the pain is always there. Nightmares, body pain, torture flashbacks and being bombarded. You have nothing to hide behind. So it has to flood out. But we're not abnormal in any way. We're not a failure. We're not going to kill ourselves because we got raped. We're not crazy. We're not crazy. We're not a danger to anybody. Protect yourself.

Pain, Relapses and More

Sorry to be away for a while. Nightmares, torture flashbacks and constant body pain are there. Two days ago, we had a dissociative relapse. We try really hard to not torture ourselves. We're not a failure. But we don't want to feel terrified and have no idea of where we are. Every time you have a relapse it's like all of the pain and noise disappear. You feel like you finally have some peace. But we know that's not true. We don't want to fall apart. We don't want to be scared all of the time. You have to protect yourself. Stay safe.

Don't Relapse

Tried to get some sleep last night. But it still feels like you can't. Nightmares still happen. You're constantly run down. Every single thing in your body hurts. You feel emotionally paralyzed. Every small thing take an enormous amount of energy. But what other choice do you have? Protect your well being.

Pain Paralysis

The pain never goes away. the longer you go without a relapse, the more debilitating it feels. You're not physically paralyzed. But emotionally, yes. You have nowhere or nothing to hide behind. That's a good thing. Denial will only make it way worse than it already is. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Admitting you need help isn't a sign of failure. Protect yourself. Because you have to.

Bombarded with Pain

The pain is always there. You never get a break. It feels like trauma pain comes in waves. One minute you feel like you can focus fairly well. Then torture flashbacks bombard you. You want to feel like you're not permanently damaged. But there's evidence that prolonged torture affects your physiological response to pain. Undealt with trauma pain affects you on a genetic level. It never goes away. Do you still have nightmares? We do. You're lucky if you get two hours of sleep at night. Then the next morning you hurt all over. The pain is always there. You have to fight back because you have to. You don't have a choice. You can't handle your pain and the pain of the rest of the world all at the same time. We tried that and it didn't work. Despite that, you can't let your guard down. We've never assaulted or killed anybody. But the possibility of blackouts is always there. How many multiple personalities do you have? We have our little kid and t...

The Pain Never Goes Away (contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk)

When was the last time you got a good night's sleep? We can't remember. You try to get some sleep. But you wake up almost every hour on the hour. Then when you try to wake up you feel like you got hit by a car. After that, constant exhaustion. Torture flashbacks, body pain and borderline blackouts are happening a lot. You try to face your trauma pain head on because that's the right thing to do. Denial will just make it way worse. You have to fight back. You just have to. Protect yourself.